A 9-year old poem for a Beloved.

Can we still friends?





I was cold and hurting

Lost out in the night

Wandering and searching

For heavens light



I saw the night sky clearing

When you spread your rainbow wings

But little did I know

What joy you would bring



From that moment on

A friendship did start

You kissed away my tears

And sheltered my heart



I was blessed the day god

Sent her from above

But then I grew fearful

For I had fallen in love



I told you this feeling

And what did you say?

You said you liked our

Friendship and that's how it would stay



I cried for friendship I thought I lost

But then felt your warm, gentle hand

You then whispered in my ear

That by my side you'll forever stand











P.S.

My only regret

Me : hey ****

Facebook User : Ow?

Me : youre so pogi.

Facebook User : Thankyou so much!

Me : i like you

Facebook User : Really? Hahaaha 0916222****

Me : yeah wait save ko

Me : i texted you

That very convo, the convo I started a year ago. That convo that became my demise.





The night of April 29, 2013 --- I stepped out of the door and faced him for the first time, I was starstrucked, dumb-founded. I told myself “uy, pwede”.





When I write for someone, that’s the sign that I’m ending what bonds us. I was in-love with him, more that in-love I guess. I worship him, I adore him, I love him. I was blinded by this charisma. Add a few love potion and demn I am lost in love.





He had this magnet in him that draws me to kneel and worship him, he was my future. So I thought. I was swimming with the illusion that he will and he can love me back. I stayed with him in his darkest days; I was there when he was weak. I was there when he was strong.





We had our ups and downs. Then at present time, he’s still with me. So I thought.





Binibigay ko lahat ng abot ng kaya ko para lang mapasaya sya, matulungan sya sa maliliit na bagay. May mga sakripisyo akong ginagawa para lang sa kapakanan nya. Hindi ako nanunumbat, pero sana kahit konti lang, kahit katiting lang na maparamdam niyang importante ako, ok na sakin. Wala eh.





Sa lahat ng nagawa ko sakanya, at pag pilit ko sa sarili ko maniwala na mahal nya rin ako. Pero hindi eh, hindi talaga. Bulag ako sa illusyong pipakain ko sa sarili ko. Sana balang araw, mahalin nya rin ako.





Kahit konti lang. Maramdaman ko lang na meron kahit papaano na meron palang pwedeng mag mahal sakin, na maramdaman ko ung pagmamahal, hindi ung puro ako lang nagpaparamdam. Given na kasi yun. Nakakalungkot lang. Pagod na ko. Hinang hina na ko. Suko na ko.





Masasabi kong napasaya ko siya. Pero, pano naman ako, kasi hindi na ko masaya. Hindi ko alam kung bakit andyan parin ako para sakanya na wala na rin naman akong nakukuha. Walang return of investment.





Ilang beses na kong nagpaalam, ilang beses na siyang nagpaalam. Wala.





Ayoko na.





Ngayon gabi, hinihintay ko yung tawag niya, kasi usapan naming pupunta siya dito sa bahay, sasabihin ko na sakanya ang nararamdaman ko. Hindi ko na kaya.





Paalam.

The Alchemist

I stumbled upon a book during my youth --- the title was "The Alchemist". Being a fan of the Harry Potter Franchise it suddenly hit me. I thought --- "The Sorcerers Stone", curiosity sinks in and flipping the book for the back cover, I read one of the most vague summary. I wasn't familiar with Paulo Coelho back then, and after reading and finishing the book, I was instantly forever a fan of his works.

"When you really want something to happen, the whole universe conspires so that your wish comes true" That was the core and philosophy of the story, it's about the journey of one's soul in realizing one's dream or as the book stressed out ; "Your Personal Legend". The story revolves around Santiago, an Andalusian Boy who wants to be a Sheppard. He repeatedly dreams of a child telling him where his treasure would be, to pursue the prophetic message, he sets off to a journey to find his "Personal Legend". Along the way he met these amazing and wonderful people that helps him realize his purpose and carry on with his adventure.

Santiago is a boy who love the pleasure of liberty. Almost all of his decisions was based with the ideology that can never compromise his freedom, one thing is that he chose to become a Sheppard to travel the plains of Andalusia. He met an unusual but somewhat wise man who claims that he is in fact a king. The man was Melchizedek. The king convinces Santiago that to realize one's dream he must sacrifice to gain something. The boy decided to sell all of his sheep for him to able to travel to Africa. The king also gave him two magical stones Urim and Thummim.

Upon arriving in Africa, destiny played a trick with Santiago, he was robbed and left with nothing. After the incident he decided to work in a crystal shop and after a year he was able to save up and buy a flock of sheep. At the last minute of contemplating of realizing his "Personal Legend", he decides to travel to Egypt.

The Soul of the World to which we are all connected and of the necessity of following our heart's true desires or our Personal Legend. He met an Englishman who has the same ideology as the King Mekchizedek. The Englishman was out to seek a famous but quite mysterious Alchemist who as rumors said, lives in an oasis called Al-Fayoum.

In Al-Fayoum, Santiago found Fatima. He found love and understands that like his personal legend, Love is in every way connected with the Soul of the World. There he found the renowned Alchemist who informs him that he will show the way to his treasure. On the way to the Pyramids, they were attacked by a warring tribe, Thinking quickly, the Alchemist boasted that Santiago is a very powerful magician that can turn into the Element of the wind. Dumb-founded, Santiago has no idea on how to be one or to become of the wind. After days of meditating and seeking the Soul of the world, he was able to turn into the wind and appears to the other end of the camp.

One of the most important part of the story was when the Alchemist turns lead into gold disk, he keeps one for himself, gives one to a Monk who at first refuses the offer but the Alchemist told the monk that destiny sometime offers less if refused, ha gave two to Santiago.

Arriving on the climax of his story. Santiago digs a hole on the foot of the Pyramid but was attacked by robbers and asked, "Why are you here". He answered that he had a recurring dream that he will find his treasure there. The robbers laughed so hard and said that he has the same dreams but the treasure was in Spain in an abandoned church. Santiago realizes that his treasure was in Spain all along, at the very place where he stays to rest. He came back to that church and found a trunk full of gold enough for him and Fatima to live to end of their love story.

Your Personal Legend is more important than the treasure that the Personal Legend offers. I'ts the journey of finding your connection to the Soul of the World. We might succeed in the endeavors of finding our Personal Legend only to treasure what luxury it can offer to us, but the lesson and purpose of one's self might be miles away from accepting the true meaning of your journey in life. As I finish reading the book, I obviously wants to build and construct my own Personal Legend, I can say that the book changed by outlook and perspective in life and gave me purpose to continue and seek the Soul of the World in my own eyes and in my own adventure.

I gladly recommend to the person reading this that if ever you stumbled on Paulo Coelho's masterpiece, take time and read it, as many times as you like and may you also have the urge of finding your Personal Legend.





Get up, Wake up, and Take Risks in Exploring the World.

4-AP

Four years has passed, everything in me changed, everything around me modifies into something new.

Four years of dreaming of having eternity by my side, longing for enlightenment to subside inside of me. Four years of unrequited love kept. Where did it go now?

Love that kept me grounded, kept my feet from soaring with pride. A pure love that solicited every impurity into something divine, It was uncalled for. I never did really comprehend my being, my humanity, my sanity.

It all comes back to me -- the first day I lay my eyes on him, the very moment that took away my sanity. The Moment of Awe.

On one account, I dreamed of a horizon filled with emotions. Willing to sacrifice all the luxury the world can offer.

I cry, I weep, I scream with anger. I give my apologies for imposing my stupidity with great pain and anguish, with grief and idiotic thinking. I cry for the love I gave that was nothing more than a mere imagination. I weep for the affection that has come to waste, abyss of dreams.

"Goodbye" really does hurt. Come to think of it -- it somehow makes me into a better individual, a better believer that someone out there is destined to pay-off my unconditional love.

This is not the end of my love story, It's time to move one more step in life. Forget what was lost.


Goodbye my Lover,
P.S.

The Manifesto of the Third Kind

I've Been living outside the pain of hiding for four years now. Living the lifestyle of the "Third Kind" in a society full of judgment and prejudice is as horrible as burning in "Greek Fire" --- A lifestyle that make some eyes so piercing that cause demoralizing and makes you down-sized with shame. But what really is the reason why "The Lifestyle" is worth living, despite the immorality of discrimination.


A Bishop of my country once stressed :

"Being one of the third kind is not a sin, the desires are"

The Desires makes us into who we are. We desire freedom, equality, and acceptance. Be free from what we believe in and feel independent in actions. Equal with everyone that the society call "normal". Accepted as a part of a future yet to be seen by a seer.As inevitable as it is, but society itself made a monster that slowly gnaw and tear the third kind --- the "Monster" is still growing.


Being one of you "normal" people brought only grief and pain not only mentally but spiritually in me, knowing that I was not destined to be normal --- I am destined to live a life so colorful yet bemoaning. I do not (personally) blame the people, I blame The Society that nourished the people to be a monster of their own kind. Humans.


We (as I generally address) have been living with you/among you for eons now. For eons we have been stepped down, muted, tortured (mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually), or worse annihilated. I re-call the contribution of a dear hero of mine --- Harvey Milk, a great fighter of Castro. A figure so grand. He did not falter with the society of his generation, a society that is full of hate crimes and raids. His story did not have a happy ending though, he was shot on sight but he accepted death with wide open arms. He died Fulfilled.


Signs of the Manifestation of the third kind, it may come to you later in your life --- 30 perhaps, 60 maybe, no one really knows when, but some are born to be of the third kind. Before asking for acceptance, we as the special ones should first accept and embrace ourselves. Four years ago, I did my usual "soul-searching" in a melancholic bay side, I did that to answer questions or make decisions. The question was "What am I?", I spend hours to days to weeks thinking of a right answer to come up with the right decision. I am happy with my turning point, a coup de grace of my former lifestyle. I am Happy. Not contented but happy.


Desire is the very foundation of "our" existence, the desire to live, to love, and be_loved in return. A life with horizons to explore and depths to dive in. The lifestyle gives us power, power to be strong and patient, power to stand out and bow down, power to understand the true meaning of life beyond what "normal" people can comprehend. The only fatal flaw of the third kind is "Pride", pride that can cause grief to others but also a tool to make a reason for change.


As I write this memoir, we still fight for our kind. It hurts me when I hear fathers or mothers enraged by knowing that one of their children is of the third kind, some places (or culture) kill upon knowing. It hurts me when people who doesn't even know the third kind are demoralized upon sight, taunting and being called horrible names. It hurts me when we are condemned of our rights not only our rights to the constitution but of our right of the oldest code of humanity: The right to love and be_loved. It hurts me when they look at us as weaklings and unfortunate. The thing is, the toughest and strongest manifestation of human kind is the third kind. The "Lifestyle" proves it.


Be strong and embrace your true being.



- P.S.

Utak.

Wala akong maisip kung ano ilalagay ko dito sa blog ko.

Karanasan?

Kwento ng Buhay ko?

Mga nangyayari sa paligid?

Gobyerno?

Pagkain?

Tungkol sa Alamat ng Saging?

Sa asong gumagawa ng eksena kasama ang isa pang aso?

WALA AKONG MAISIP!

gdfgfdg

“Hey everyone! This is my last mesage to all I know and goodbye to my friends and families. I am going to suicide myself using my father’s pistol at 11 AM, August 1, 2011,”

-mario john vilches,